Valentine's Day for the Single

All the single people are trying to ease the pain of being alone on Valentine's Day by saying that they could care less about a pseudo-holiday that allows for the expression of love and affection towards the opposite sex. Let's face it we all know that the single people on on Valentine's Day will not be dolling themselves up, prancing around the town square, and thus giving the proverbial "fuck you I can be happy on the one day couples shower each other with gifts to show appreciation for one another all by my lonesome."

I'm pretty DAMN IT!!!

NO! These single men and women who are Valentineless will wake up Valentine's Day morning, receive the flowers they bought themselves so the sting of the failure of not having a Valentine this year may lessen, grab the nearest cache of junk food in their pantry, and watch reruns of "Full House" as they drown themselves with self loathing.

Danny Tanner you make it hurt less

  

Lately

I've been drowning myself in work and writing ideas (dick jokes) for my blog so can distract myself from my actual issues. To be honest I'm pissed off at the world. Well mostly just the people in it. Humans are the most waste of time ever. All we do is wonder how shit in the paste relates to us. We try so hard to understand the
un-understandable (yeah I made that word up fuck you if you're hating). Human behavior has just been pissing me the fuck off lately. I don't get it. I'm sick of the repeating question of  "Why are we here?" and the repeating answer: "Because God(s) put us here to do what we were fated to do." What makes us so fucking special. Humans cause destruction, death, and disease. We create the ideas of what is vulgar and what is wrong. When we all die no one will care what we have accomplished. No one will care what we have created. No one will give a fuck.   

Cosmopolitan Magazine Writers You Suck

I was standing in line at Wal*Mart yesterday and I glanced over to the magazine rack and an issue of Cosmopolitan caught my eye. I flipped around looking for some boobage to look at while I wait for the cashier to finish ringing up the lady with 30 bags of kitty litter and pillow cases, and a column titled "Inside His Mind: whats the best sex you've ever had?" intrigued my curiosity. As I was reading i realized that men did not write this ridiculous horse shit. No where in the allegedly "submitted by real men" stories of hot raunchy sex did I ever see the words: bone, medahead, queef, entangle, hump, humpage, chick, sweet nasty, ky jelly, broken, $29.54, pimp slap, or donkey punch. Instead they used words like: love, foreplay, and tenderness. Wrong Cosmo you done goofed you silly little girls. THIS is how real men talk about sex.

"The Dirty"

 So I met this one chick named Janet... or was it Jennifer? Anyway one drink led to another and suddenly I realized that i was totally scoring. Her tits were freakin rockin and jostling all about my face, and when I was about to kiss her she gave a heave and threw up in my mouth. Still counts though. 

-Christopher Manmullet

Study that Cosmo get your shit right.  

Video from Khalid Pedro

This is me mates video i hope you like it

Insight I'd Rather Not Know But i Googled it Anyway.

  Like any man in the world I was up late last night watching my daily intake of porn (male readers don't act like you don't fucking jerk your applesauce because you know you do). It was your basic pornography so it ended in the same way they all do, the lucky girl (or unlucky girl for all you feminists out there) got down to face-to-cock level and the man promptly ejaculated in the girl's face.
  Now I'm no homosexual but I began to ponder the question most men ask when witnessing this: "What does semen taste like?" So instead of experiencing the taste of semen firsthand, I did the next best thing, I Googled that shit. After scouring  link after link of more porn (most of which I did take a quick gander at) I came across a very imformitive article.
  Apparently it's all about the males diet, and even bad habits such as smoking,  vegetables with a high sulfur content (garlic, onions, asparagus, etc.) will leave his special man milk tasting bitter and unpleasant. Dairy products and red meats make semen taste salty.
  This article also gave suggestions for keeping a man's Underpants Navy tasting sweet and delicious for your gal. Fruits, veggies (with low sulfur content parsley and celery), plenty of water, pineapple juice, and cinnamon all sweeten the taste of his dick spit.
  So ladies, if you're tired of having warm salty and bitter cum in your mouth, don't stop going down (I REPEAT DON'T STOP GOING DOWN!!!!) instead just pop a mango in his mouth give him a salad and a gallon of water and hope for the best!

My Genitals and I: A Love Hate Relationship

Fact: my penis is the only penis i will ever willing touch with love and tenderness.

Most men will agree that their package is the most cherished organ on their entire body. You can chop off a man's arms, lobe off his toes, or mutilate his face, but any injury to the genitals would mean the end of the world. My genitals and i have been through thick and thin; my first loose tooth, my junk was there, my first fight, my nuts and bolts were cheering me on. Me and my jewels are like homies that were down since day one. However like every relationship there are some cons.

Things I Hate About My Penis:
1. Unwanted embarrassing boners.
2. Sitting on my balls.
3. When it flips upside down or shifts to an uncomfortable area in my pants
4. It's well known vulnerability

Things That Out Way the Cons:
 1. It gives me the ability to stand while I pee.
 2. Low maintenance ( basic trim and daily wash)
 3. IT'S MY DICK

The Runaround

I hate it when girls give you all the stupid excuses in the world. if you do not like me please tell me so. dont make up some random ass excuse as to why i cant have your number or why you cant hang out. dont beat around the fucking bush. be straight up. i fucking sick of it. fuck em. women i will never get your shit 

I'm no racist but

young bloods cant act right these days. what is wrong with young black folks these days acting stupid and fighting at a fucking bowling alley is a good way to have old white folks hate you even more. That is why when there is a conglomerate of young black kids in one area the cops are always on hold to stop a soon to be fight. why cant we have nice things. stop being dumb we're just trying to have a good time and nigglettes gotta fight and ruin everything.

I Would Like:

To thank all who have been reading my very first blogs. This is just a bud of a soon to be fully blossoming project i hope you all enjoy. please do not hesitate to tell me off, express your own opinion even if it contradicts mine. let my blog spread her legs like the whore she is.

Internet Drugs

When i'm on facebook i feel like i'm smoking pot, when i'm on tweeter i feel like a crack whore, and when i blog i feel like i'm doing heroine... i'm a junkie ahahahhahaa

Fuck A tumblr

I like blogger it's a hell of lot easier and more personal than tumblr. Blogger gives people a choice to see what they want tunblr kinda just throws everything at you. On Blogger i feel like this is my own little plot of land on internet soil if you wanna look go right ahead, you dont give a fuck about me? same here asshole. in the words of my brother A'darius Patton... WORDTOYOURMUTHA  

TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT HAPPEN TO COME ACROSS MY BLOG

Why not leave me a comment or follow me. We could exchange ideas, philosophies, or whatever. I swear I'll comment back or follow you too I've got nothing better to do with my life.

thoughts on first decade of the new millennium

No one likes Muslims anymore. Gingers will never live down that episode of Southpark. Kanye West is a dick who makes a pretty damn good album. Taylor Swift is a whinny twenty year old that does the same. Two Girls One Cup change the way people look at Brazilians. This whole decade should be called the Social Networking Revolution. Twitter will take down the newspaper industry. Facebook won in the battle between social networking sites (yeah that's right fuck Myspace). Reaching a certain level of fame is changed all because of YouTube. 2012 is a load of shit. Avatar the Last Airbender was the best cartoon ruined by M. Night Shamalamadingdong. Tron is one of the best 80s movie remakes ever. Netflix beat the holy shit out of video rental stores. 2006-10 was the year baggy jeans are no longer cool. Hipsters are changing the world with a newly found sense of douche bag. Jersey Shore is the epitome of shitty yet EXTREMELY addicting reality television. Jackass 3D is the first time you could see a dick and shit in 3D. All in all this decade has been pretty bad ass i cant wait to start the second. 2011-2020 HERE WE COME TO FUCK YOU UP

about me

i'm a super cool super cute asian kid from all over the place ladies please hit a brother up. I'll touch you where your uncle made you feel funny. you know that place, that place that gave you shivers up your spine and when you were done you felt dirty. i'm kidding i'm not a rapist and i dont find it funny and if your laughing you're probably a dick.

What?

    FIRST POST: Today marks the day of my very first post on my brand new blog... what to say what to say... hello? hi? leave me comments help me come up with shit to talk about.